Your dad touched me again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
