what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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