remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
