So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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