I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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