You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
