I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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