The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
