When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
