I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
