Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
