You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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