I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
