woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
