3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
