escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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