I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
