god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
