Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
