Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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