Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
