Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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