Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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