Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
