Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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