so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
