a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
