Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
