Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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