I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
