Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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