people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
