Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
