Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
