Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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