I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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