i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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