dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
not ubering you a puppy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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