I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
