You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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