Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
