okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
