Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
