So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How external is "for external use only"?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
