Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
