Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
