I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
