he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
