Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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