pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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