Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
