I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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