why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
God, I missed his penis.
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