Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
