my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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