No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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