The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if only i could text you this smell
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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