No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
